2019 News

Anti-Gun Activists Love John Wick

A surprising influx of anti-gun protestors has seen box office records smashed for the new action movie John Wick 3: Parabellum. Cinema owners aren’t sure exactly why this is the case, with many pondering on whether the ticket holders actually even know what the movie is about.

“Of course, we know what it’s about,” says feminist/anti-gunist Lisa Popmye-Cherry. “Just because we’re anti-gun violence in real life doesn’t necessarily mean we hate seeing it on the big screen. Are you f**king kidding me?! Who wouldn’t love seeing Keanu Reeves kill people?”.

In response to the news, the American National Rifle Association have come out welcoming the surprising support from the anti-gun activists. The NRA’s President George Bush, states that he is glad to see more people recognising how “guns are actually badass” and that he hopes to see more views changed in the future.

“We’ve always known from watching action films that guns are not only the best form of protection out there but they’re also the coolest,” says Bush. “From Schwarzenegger to Stallone to The Rock and now to Keanu Reeves, we’re really happy to see Hollywood reminding us just how badass guns should look like to everyone and how they are definitely not something to be afraid”.

Meanwhile, other gun lovers and fans of the film have been left conflicted on how to feel. “Six-shooter squirrels” gun range owner Bob Dole has said that it isn’t right that the opposition is now in favour of guns just because it suits their entertainment needs.

“You can’t just be against guns but then have an exception when it comes to enjoying people getting killed by guns in movies. You’re either against them or for them. Plain and simple.”

Twitter user gunlover69 has suggested that “it’s like when vegans came out with their own vegan burger. Every meat eater in the country was thinking – hey, wait a minute – you can’t just make your own burger after saying we shouldn’t eat ours?!”

Keanu Reeves has refused to comment on which side he supports, which has further added fuel to the debate.


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