Rambo Gives Last Blood Donation

At age 88, the Red Cross has officially cut off John Rambo from blood donations. The war-hero has been giving blood for over four decades but today, it will be his last.

“It’s hard for me you know,” mumbles Rambo, “For someone to tell me that I’m too old and weak, it really makes my blood boil…which I guess is probably why my blood is bad. Either way, they’re a bunch off a**holes [the Red Cross].”

And it seems that the bad blood between the Red Cross and Rambo has also spilled out onto the streets. Supporters of the action superstar are now calling for the Red Cross to make a special exemption given the person in question.

“It’s John f**king Rambo!,” says one fan. “He’s not just some old decrepit guy. He’s a goddamn war-hero alright?! I mean, it’s John f**king Rambo for Christ Sake!”. Twitter user “yoadrian2” also tweets “Anyone should be lucky to get his blood. That shit could probably cure cancer”.

However, the Red Cross is refusing to budge on their protocols, under the scientific reasoning that it could be dangerous for those receiving his blood. In response to these claims, Rambo has stated that his blood has such healing powers, that just one drop of it has enough white blood cells to automatically give you a six-pack.

Moreover, Rambo also wants to make good on past actions and he says by donating blood, it has been his form of repentance. “I just want to make amends for all the lives I’ve taken by trying to save some back” pleads Rambo.

An online petition is up and has already amassed over 120,000 signatures to change the minds of the Red Cross.

For those wishing to support the cause, visit www.rambosblood.com for further details.

 

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