2019 News

Sony Hires FBI to Investigate Why People Hate Detective Pikachu

In an ironic twist of fate, Sony executives have commissioned a crack team of FBI detectives to investigate why no one likes their new movie Pokémon: Detective Pikachu.

The inquest has begun because of bitterly disappointing box office results for the film, which despite being released nearly two weeks ago, has failed to even make half of its estimated $150 million dollar budget. For years the Pokémon franchise has made billions of recycling the same content in a variety of different platforms, but it seems that this time, they’ve run out of Poké balls to throw.

“It-a make-a no sense!” cries Sony Japan CEO Yoshi Fukurutsu. “We-a give da same shitty Pokémon game over and over again and we always make-a billions. Billions! But now, we make-a brand new movie and they no love-a da Pokémon anymore?! It’s-a madness! Madness!”

Meanwhile, the FBI has come out with enthusiastic support for the investigation, stating that this will be their biggest challenge since being tasked with solving why Disney decided to give Rian Johnson the rights to write and direct Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

“The FBI has always been fans of Pokémon and I myself, personally, have caught over 223 creatures on Pokémon GO!”, says FBI Commissioner Ash Gotem. “Now while I haven’t seen Pokémon: Detective Pikachu, it’s an absolute disgrace that people are turning their backs on those responsible for creating thousands of imaginary animals that have brought nothing but love for millions of people”.

However, Pokémon fans have questioned if the investigation is really necessary, with many left asking “doesn’t the FBI have anything better to do?”.

It is uncertain if the move will improve the films box office performance or see a sequel greenlight.

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